Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
