is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
