So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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