You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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