I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize