I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
