You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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