3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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