My room smells like vodka and shame
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
