the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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