Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
