One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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