lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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