OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
