out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
