Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
