ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
