he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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