i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
