i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
