The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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