What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
