Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
