Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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