he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
