if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
