I wish you could order shots online.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
