Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
