Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
