do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
