I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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