the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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