i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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