Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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