We're facebook friends in real life
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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