you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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