I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
where am i from again
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
