My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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