So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
