At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize