it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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