I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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