so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
