Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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