if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
