And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I AM VODKA MAN
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
