Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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