I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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