Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
