Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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