I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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