There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
