I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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