Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
