how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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