why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
