I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
