Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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