he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize