I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
