Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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