I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
