I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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